


All The Time In The Universe

by AngstyHxcker



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Nightmares, Post-Episode: Revolution of the Daleks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, thasmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29473611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngstyHxcker/pseuds/AngstyHxcker
Summary: Set after Revolution of the Daleks.Yaz and the Doctor are adjusting to life back on the TARDIS together when the Doctor realizes more happened in the ten months Yaz spent without her than she originally thought.TW: Implied/referenced rape and alcohol use.USA National Sexual Assault Hotline:  800.656.4673UK Rape Crisis Freephone Helpline: 0808.802.9999
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	All The Time In The Universe

Yaz and the Doctor had only been traveling together without the rest of the Fam for about a week. There were moments when they both were distracted by the chaos and excitement of their trips and it almost felt like the old times they spent together. But the rest of it was decidedly tense and painfully different, leaving unresolved feelings between them even more blurred and confused than ever. The Doctor was trying her best to give Yaz her undivided attention when they weren't trying to save the day or run for their lives. She was also trying to share more of her past and experiences in prison with Yaz, as a show of good faith that Yaz wasn't just another name on a list to her. She was special. On Yaz's part, she was trying to put aside her resentment and empathize with what the Doctor had been through while they were apart. But Yaz was spending a lot of time in her room between trips. She claimed she was tired and wanted to take a nap, or go to bed early, often both in the same day. The Doctor was concerned, but she hoped in time Yaz would start to ease back into life on the TARDIS, so she gave her space when she asked for it.

Until now.

The Doctor was tinkering with the TARDIS, killing time until Yaz was up from her latest nap when she heard distant cries coming from the direction of Yaz's room. Before she could even fully comprehend what she was hearing, she found herself running down the winding corridors of the TARDIS. Lingering outside Yaz's door, she heard sporadic yelps and cries. "Yaz... I'm comin' in." The Doctor warned, wary of doing anything that could upset Yaz further. Receiving no reply, the Doctor pushed open the door and found Yaz tangled in her sheets, fighting off a monster that seemed to only exist within her mind. She thrashed and cried out.

Now that the Doctor was in the same room as her dear friend, she could make out the exact nature of her cries more clearly. "STOP! Please! Please no! I said stop! Please don't do this!" She cried out, arms and legs twisting the sheets and blankets around her.

The Doctor approached slowly, cautiously. "Yaz..." She began gently, hesitantly extending a hand to Yaz's shoulder. She gave her a gentle shake. "Yaz wake up." Her voice was a little more firm this time, but Yaz had no reaction.

"You're making a mistake! My friend is gonna come and stop you... The Doctor is going to come!" The Doctor still didn't understand the context of Yaz's desperate cries, but both of her hearts sank at that moment. Did Yaz have to lose the Doctor again every time she slept? No wonder she was so tired... The Doctor couldn't bear to let this go on any longer. She put both of her hands on each of Yaz's shoulders and shook her with more force. "Yaz! Yaz you have to wake up. It's just a dream. It's me, the Doctor. I'm here. You have to wake up Yaz." She spoke in a calm, yet forceful tone. Relief washed over the Doctor when Yaz's eye's flashed open. But that relief was short lived.

Yaz began fighting against the Doctor's firm grip. "Don't touch me! Get off of me! Get off!!" She was instantly hysterically crying, screaming, and fighting off the Doctor's attempts at comfort with impressive force.

The Doctor raised her hands in surrender and took a step back from the bed. "Yaz, it's just me. You're safe. You're in the TARDIS. You were havin' a nightmare and I heard screamin' so I came in to check on you."

Realization slowly settled over Yaz and she calmed down slightly. Tears were still streaming down her face, but the terror and fight left her. "...Doctor...?" She asked meekly.

"Yes. It's me. May I come closer?" The Doctor asked, open palms still up to reassure Yaz she meant no harm. Yaz nodded slightly and the Doctor slowly took steps forward, noticing how Yaz tensed despite herself. The Doctor lowered her hands and took a seat at the foot of the bed.

"Y'okay?" The Doctor asked, biting her tongue not to say out loud that she instantly realized that was a stupid question to ask. Despite her tears, Yaz nodded. She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. The Doctor had never been particularly skilled at physical comfort, or any kind of comfort for that matter, but she longed to touch Yaz, just to prove to her she was there. But she didn't want to upset her further. "...Wanna talk 'bout it?" She prompted again, hoping a clear path to help Yaz would present itself soon.

"Not really." Yaz mumbled, pressing her face into her knees.

"I know I'm one to talk... but I've heard it helps. S'made me feel a bit better when I've told stuff to you." Monsters, aliens, machines, all could be sorted, dealt with, figured out. But through all of time and space, the human mind baffled the Doctor. Yaz sighed but offered no further admission of anything in her mind. The Doctor was getting frustrated, but not with Yaz. She was frustrated with herself for not being better at this. "Yaz, we can't keep this up. Ya can't keep goin' on like this. I'm assuming this happens every time you sleep, and when you're awake... you seem so... lost. Please... Please jus' leme try t'help. I know I'm not the best at this stuff. But I always figure a way out with everythin' else... let me try." The Doctor pleaded gently.

Yaz lifted her head slightly off her knees. She could tell the Doctor had been trying, and this was no exception. Despite herself, Yaz decided it was probably only fair if she tried to. "Okay."

The word had just barely been a whisper. It hung in the air for so long the Doctor began to worry she was supposed to make the next move when Yaz finally spoke again.

"You already know I was lookin' for you, moved into that TARDIS, lost my job, kinda fell out with my family... But somethin' else happened... Haven't even told Graham or Ryan..." Yaz was less curled in on herself, but her eyes were glued on a single point on the bed beside her. "I've never been big on drinkin' or partyin' or anythin' like that. But one night, bout six months into you bein' gone... It'd been a rough day. No leads. No information. Nothin'. Graham 'n Ryan had been checkin' in pretty often, hadn't heard from 'em that day. I just felt... I don't know... left behind I guess. Felt like no one cared I was alive. No one even would notice if I wasn't. But I wasn't gonna go that far. I wasn't gonna give up on you 'nd I knew if I asked, Graham 'nd Ryan'd be over in a heartbeat. But I wasn't feelin' too kind to myself. So instead, I went to a bar. Thought I'd just have a drink, take my mind off it, go to bed early, and then keep searchin'. But one drink became two, then three... Started to feel like myself again for the first time in months... This guy... started chattin' me up. Kept tellin' him wasn't interested. Told 'im I had someone already... they just weren't around right now...." Yaz trailed off. The Doctor's hearts were pounding in her chest as she watched Yaz helplessly. Yaz took a deep sigh before continuing. "Must've put somethin' in my dink... I... I don't 'member much... Jus... realizin' I was on the ground outside. Realizin' I could feel the pavement on the skin of my back... my shirt'd been pulled up... my jeans were down to my knees..." Yaz's nails began to dig into the blankets wrapped around her legs. The Doctor desperately wanted to take her hands within her own, but she didn't want to make Yaz uncomfortable with her touch.

"I know... It was stupid... But I kept thinkin' at least now, she'll come back. No matter where she is in time 'n space, if the Doctor's alive... she'll stop this. She won't let this happen to me..." Yaz's voice was thick with tears as she spoke. The Doctor gaped in horror.

"Yaz... I..." Yaz shook her head no, closing her eyes tightly and the Doctor fell silent again.

After a moment, Yaz was able to continue. "You didn't come." She whispered. "And... he... he hurt me." She hadn't been able to say the word. She hadn't been able to acknowledge what had been done, what had been taken from her. "When I realized no one was gonna save me... I gave up. I didn't even fight. And then he just left me. Laying there on the ground. Couldn't go to the police, not since they fired me. Didn't want them to see what a mess I was. Didn't want to go to the 'ospidal. Couldn't call home. Didn't want Graham and Ryan to know I'd been out drinkin'. So I went back to the TARDIS, got in my sleeping bag and prayed I wouldn' wake up. I did. And then I started thinkin'... It was a punishment. That's what I got for giving up on looking..."

"Yaz, you were just takin' a break you weren't..." Yaz shook her head again dismissing the Doctor.

"I 'aven't told anyone cause... I'm ashamed. I let him do it. I didn't fight. I didn't try. I jus' laid there waitin' for someone to save me when I shoulda been back in that TARDIS savin' her instead." Yaz looked up at the Doctor for the first time and the Doctor felt her hearts shatter. She'd never seen Yasmin Khan look so lost, and empty insane. "Then you came back. Had nothin' to do wit' me, but you were back. Actin' like nothin'd happened." Old anger touched her voice again. "I know. That's just how you were copin' with it... for ten months, I was alone, an' terrified, constantly thinkin' you were dead, and after that wishin' I could be too... And then you were back. Nothin' to do with me. Nothin' I'd done made any difference at all."

"Yasmin Khan, it had everything to do with you." The Doctor scooted herself a little closer on the bed, watching carefully to judge Yaz's comfort with the distance between them. "Every day I was in that cell, I was thinkin' bout you. I wanted to get back to you. I know my timin' was a bit off... well... more than a bit... and that haunts me, Yaz. All the things I've seen, all the losses I've 'ad. It haunts me that I missed that time with my fam. I missed time with you. I woulda given up in there. Woulda lost my mind... well... more of it I suppose. But you. I was thinking of you. I was fighting to get back to you." Yaz looked up at the Doctor with deep eyes, some of the weight lifted off of Yaz's heart hearing the Doctor's words. Some of the wounds started to scar instead of festering.

"And for what happened to you... That was not your fault. Yasmin Khan, there is no one in the entire universe who deserves what you went through. I'm sorry I wasn't there, truly... I..." The Doctor was so overcome by profound grief at having left Yaz to face that on her own she couldn't even form the words to express it.

"S'okay Doctor." Yaz said softly, and she meant it. "You didn't know... you couldn't have known..."

"But now I do." The Doctor assured her. "And I hope I can help now even though I couldn't then." Yaz nodded, feeling better already than she had in months. "Yaz... I just want to say again, you did nothin' wrong. I don't think so. Graham and Ryan wouldn't think so. Your family wouldn't either. I won't say anythin' to anyone. But you 'ave no reason to blame yourself."

"But I do." Yaz's voice was soft, haunted with a growing self hate touching the edges of it. "I let that happen to me. I've had training, I know how to defend myself, and I let him do it!" Anger ripped through Yaz.

"All the training in the world doesn't matter if you're drugged, Yaz. He knew was he was doing too. It's not your fault. There's nothin' you could've..." The Doctor countered calmly.

"I should've seen! I should've been watching! I shouldn't have been there in the first place!" Yaz was getting herself upset again and tears were returning to the recently dried tracks on her cheeks. "And now... Doctor... I... I don't know how to be me... I... things between us were... I don't... I can't..."  
  
"And you don't have to. Yaz, you're forgetting I'm not the same person who left either. It's been decades for me. I had all that time to think on it, and I have no idea who I am or who I've been. We don't 'ave to go back to be bein' who we were. I've seen who you are now, Yaz. An' I love who you are now, just as much as I loved you before. But we both need time. We both need to work some stuff out. And that's okay. We've got all the time in the universe, Yaz. And we can do it together."

Yaz's tears slowed and she nodded with the slightest hint of a smile on her lips. 

"You're allowed t'say no... But... Can I 'ave a hug?" The Doctor asked with a sad but warm smile. Yaz unfurled herself and fell into the Doctor's waiting arms.


End file.
